its amazing how all these thoughts fill my head. how all these things just happen to form and create feelings that werent expected. i didnt know how to go about the entire situation. i felt unworthy, as though i thought i knew that i was nothing compared to everything else. i felt as though it was a trick to be called, only to realise that nothing was what it seemed. then i eventually knew that God called, cos He knew i could. He knew i had what it takes to make a difference, and He wanted me to see that i already have made that difference, no matter how subtle it might have seemed. and now, i wish to embrace, in hopes of pleasing Him, in hopes of doing what i was called to do, to fulfil my purpose. i think i can handle that. but.. im not sure i can handle everything. like, when do you know when things are real or not? when do you know if what you feel is the truth? when what you sense could actually be reality? or is it all just a facade that hides all? i cant fathom or discern what course of action to undertake, nor can i accept the fact that certain things happen, and i cant stop it. and oh, how i hate the feeling of not being in control of my life. feelings are such disobedient things. oh you naughty feelings. i'll smack you if i could. gosh. drea is talking to herself. i think i seriously need some kind of output. but i find it so difficult. there's like ten locks before reaching the gate of my emo-kingdom. grr. so annoying. the worst thing is, i dont know where i put the keys. oh wells. i believe that chances of people reading up to this stage is pretty slim, seeing that long posts may put some people off, which is a good thing i guess, cos i just need somewhere to release and recap, and blogs work just fine. okay i need to sleep soon, seeing that i havent had much of that in quite a while. oh gosh, and i absolutely love new american classic. that song just makes me.. think. but i think i've been doing too much of that, so enough for now. good night to you, reading all the way up til this end of the entry. much love, and happy new year to you. :)